Monday 15 December 2008

halifax schmalifacts

By Tommy Banana

ok dave the story of the trip to halifax is broadly true and it is very well written and thanks for your kind words and for not at all presenting me as a one man walking travel disaster but here are a few comments... ( nb I accept that memory is a funny thing so your account may be 100% accurate)

1) you are swearing in the blog but in reported speech attributed to me. I dont think that is fair. As you know well  I never swear in real life but would like to on the blog but you won't let me.
That's fucking bollocks.

2) The incorrectly collected spare wheel was from  a medium size nissan and looked pretty similar to my daewoo wheel (at least when talking on the phone and offering the guy from my village a lift home) (nb I swear the kwik fit fitter pointed directly at that wheel). I understand you maybe exagerrating for comic effect but why not go the whole hog and say the spare wheel was off a scalextrix reliant robin?

3) tyre didnt puncture until at least an hour after we realised I had no spare tyre. ( nb ... and it wasnt the same wheel that allegedly mounted the kerb in hawick)

4) car that pulled up wasnt the police it was these useless motorway patrol muppets who were meant to be driving up and down the motorway to maintain  safety but said "regulations prevent us from  leaving the motorway even though it would help you get your stranded car off the hard shoulder quicker, sorry. my life wouldnt be worth living blah blah" 

5) it was me that made the blonde big tits comment not them as in " I bet you would be able to break the rules and give me a lift if I was blonde and had big tits". (Nb  - no they didnt mutter " well you're not blonde "on account of my large moobs - in case you were asking)

6) I dont remember us arriving after the published start time of the gig but maybe you protected me from that.

7) you omitted to mention the smoke and burning smell coming out of my car (?clutch) as I tried to reverse back up the ramp.

8) what about the edmontons?

we set off to Mull in your car tomorrow. I will be taking notes...... and pictures....

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